How to Make Friends at Work When You Move Abroad (What Helped Me)

One of the hardest parts of moving abroad isn’t the paperwork, the weather or even the language. It’s the quiet weekends. When I moved to the Netherlands in 2017, I didn’t have a job, a network or friends of my own. Everyone I knew here, I knew through my husband.

Today I have people I can call, invite for dinner or celebrate with. That didn’t happen by magic. It happened slowly, in two ways: through the people around my husband, and later through my own colleagues.

If you’ve just moved and you’re wondering how to make friends at work and outside it, here’s what actually helped me.

Why making friends abroad feels so hard

Back home, friendships often come with your life: school, college, neighbours, cousins. You don’t really “make” friends as an adult, you already have them.

Abroad, you start from zero. Everyone around you already has their circle. People are friendly, but they go home to their own families and plans at 5:30 p.m. And if you’re new and still finding your feet (I was), it’s easy to wait for someone else to make the first move.

I learned that I had to show up, again and again, before things started to feel natural.

Step 1: Start with the circle you already have

My first friends in the Netherlands came through my husband. One of the closest was the wife of his friend. Having one person to talk to, laugh with and make plans with made the new country feel much less lonely.

If you moved for your partner, don’t underestimate this circle. Partners of your partner’s colleagues and friends are often in the same situation as you. Say yes to the dinners and birthday invites, even when you feel like an outsider at first.

I’ve written more about that phase of my life in moving abroad for your partner and building my own identity again.

Step 2: Go to the office (yes, really)

When I got my first job, work became the second big source of friendships, through going to the office, office parties and dinners. The biggest thing I noticed: friendships happen in person.

It’s hard to build a real connection over video calls. It’s much easier over coffee, at lunch, or in the five minutes before a meeting starts. Going to the office regularly made a big difference for me.

Step 3: Say yes to office parties and dinners

This is the one I’d tell my younger self first. Office parties, team dinners, Friday drinks, festive lunches: go to them, especially in your first year.

I know it can feel awkward. You don’t know everyone, conversations jump between topics, and sometimes people switch to Dutch. But these events are where colleagues become people you actually know. You learn about their kids, their hobbies, their holiday plans, and they learn about yours.

A small tip: you don’t need to stay all evening. Going for an hour and having two or three real conversations is already a win.

(And if you don’t drink, like me these days, that’s completely fine. Nobody cares what’s in your glass. I shared what I order instead in why I stopped drinking alcohol.)

Step 4: Turn “work friends” into real friends

The step from colleague to friend usually needs one small move outside work. A few things that work:

• Invite people home for dinner. Cooking a home meal from your culture is one of the warmest ways to get closer.
• Suggest something simple. A walk, a coffee on the weekend, a visit to a market.
• Remember the small things. Ask how their weekend trip went, or wish them luck before a big presentation.
• Share your culture. Inviting colleagues to celebrate Diwali with you is a beautiful way to open your world to them. Here’s how I celebrate Diwali in the Netherlands.

Step 5: Be patient (Dutch friendships take time)

Many internationals say that Dutch colleagues are friendly but take time to become close friends. People here often plan social time well in advance, and agendas fill up quickly.

Don’t take it personally. Send that dinner invite two weeks ahead, not two days. Once a friendship forms, it tends to be honest and solid.

Step 6: Keep your old friends close too

Making new friends doesn’t mean letting go of the old ones. My best friends from India are still a big part of my life, even from far away.

New friends help you feel at home here. Old friends remind you who you are. You need both.

What I’d tell you if you just arrived

• Say yes to invitations in your first year, even the awkward ones.
• Go to the office when you can.
• Be the one who invites, not only the one who waits.
• Give it time. A year from now, your weekends can look very different.

If you’re still looking for work in the Netherlands, my story of getting a job here without speaking Dutch might help, and so might the kit below.

FAQ

How do I make friends at work in a new country?

Go to the office regularly, join team lunches and office parties, and take one small step outside work, like a coffee or a dinner invite. Friendships grow from repeated, small moments.

Is it hard to make friends in the Netherlands?

It can take time. Dutch colleagues are usually friendly and direct, but they often plan social time in advance. Patience and early invites help a lot.

What if I moved abroad for my partner and don’t work yet?

Start with your partner’s circle: their friends, colleagues and their partners. Many people in that group are new too and looking for connection.

Do I have to drink at office parties to fit in?

No. I don’t drink, and office parties are still about the people and the conversations, not what’s in your glass.

Your turn

How did you make your first friends after moving? Tell me in the comments 👇