I grew up in Lucknow, in a big joint family, in a business-class household where girls weren’t really expected to have careers. Today I live in the Netherlands and work in corporate tech.
People often ask me: “How did your family let you do all this?” The honest answer is that it didn’t happen overnight. It took one very determined mother, a father who slowly changed his mind, and a lot of proving myself.
If you come from a conservative family and dream of a career, or a life abroad, this post is for you. I’ll share how it went for me, and what I think actually helps when your family isn’t on board yet.
Growing up in a joint family in Lucknow
Our house in Lucknow had three portions and three kitchens. My dad was the youngest of three brothers, and both my Taujis lived there with their families. There were cousins everywhere. One of my favourite memories is all of us sitting under one blanket in winter, eating peanuts and talking for hours.
It was a warm, loud, loving home. It was also very traditional. My older cousins didn’t wear jeans until around the time I was in Class 11. Girls were expected to study a bit, then marry well. In many families like ours, girls were married soon after Class 12, and at first my dad imagined the same for me.
What my family expected from me
My dad was a jeweller who built his business from nothing, more than once. Like many fathers in business families back then, he imagined a different path for me: becoming a doctor, or one day taking over the jewellery business. A regular office job wasn’t something he had pictured for his daughter.
I wasn’t a star student either. I was average in school. But I had one dream that was very clear from a young age: I wanted to go abroad and work. Part of it came from watching so many Bollywood movies. Part of it was just a feeling that there was a bigger world out there for me.
My mom, the one who fought for me
If there’s one person who changed my path, it’s my mom.
When my dad said no to something, she found another way. She offered her own money. Or she went to my Tauji and asked him to sponsor what I needed, a desktop computer, a scooty, my studies, and promised to pay him back every month. She fought for my freedom quietly and stubbornly, again and again.
Because of her, I did my graduation in Lucknow and then my MBA in Delhi. Living in another city was a big step for a girl from our family. It changed everything.
My first salary: ₹12,000
My first job paid ₹12,000 a month. It wasn’t a lot, and my family didn’t fully understand why I wanted to work for it. But for me, it wasn’t about the money. It was about proving that I could do it: earn, stand on my own feet, and build something that was mine.
How my dad changed, and what he taught me
My dad was a bit conservative in the beginning, but he wasn’t stuck. Over time he changed. He became more open, he agreed to let me study further, and in the end he supported my career.
He also gave me the one lesson I still carry everywhere: “No matter how much you grow, never forget your roots.” He lived it. He stayed loyal to the friends from his early days, and he helped the people who worked for our family learn new skills. I’m proud to be his daughter.
From Lucknow to a career abroad
In 2017 I moved to the Netherlands. It wasn’t easy. I started from zero: no job, no network, no Dutch. I changed careers three times and heard no 76 times before getting the role I really wanted. But the girl from Lucknow who dreamed of working abroad did it.
And the same family that once wasn’t sure I could do much? Today they’re proud of me. In 2024 I took my mom and my sister on their first trip abroad, to Dubai. Watching my mom see the world she had only seen on YouTube was one of the best moments of my life. You can read about it in our Dubai trip.
Watch the Reel
From Lucknow to Amsterdam
Where my story abroad really started.
If your family isn’t on board with your dreams yet
This is what I’ve learned from my own journey. Every family is different, so take what fits.
Find your ally
For me, it was my mom. For you, it might be a sibling, an aunt, a cousin or a teacher. One person in your corner can change everything.
Show, don’t only argue
Arguments alone rarely change minds. Small results do: a course finished, a job offer, a salary, however small. Proof speaks louder than debate.
Take one step at a time
I didn’t go from Lucknow straight to Europe. Graduation at home, then an MBA in another city, then a job, then abroad. Each step made the next one easier for my family to accept.
Respect where they come from
My parents grew up in a very different time. Their fears came from love, not from wanting to hold me back. Understanding that helped me stay patient.
Don’t forget your roots
Building your own life doesn’t mean leaving your family behind. My dad’s words still go with me everywhere I go.
Frequently asked questions
How do I convince my conservative parents to let me work or move abroad?
Find one ally in the family, take small steps, and show results instead of only arguing. Each step you succeed in makes the next one easier for your family to accept.
Is it possible to build a career abroad coming from a small town in India?
Yes. I grew up in a traditional joint family in Lucknow and today I work in corporate tech in the Netherlands. It took time, many steps and a lot of persistence, but it’s possible.
What if my family never agrees?
Every family is different. In my case, my dad changed over time as he saw what I could do. Patience, respect and small proofs helped a lot.
Did your family support your dreams from the start, or did it take time? Tell me in the comments 👇
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